Even now, 2 ½ years later I still struggle with trusting God. I thought I had been doing better, I’d been growing and learning. But it was here, sitting quietly in my reading chair that I realized I had more growing to do. I have been trying to faithfully read my Bible and my devotional every morning because I know just how big the fight is. I know I need to feed my soul to fight the emotional battles that still plague me randomly. I’m not always successful but more often than not when I’ve neglected my quiet times I find myself succumbing to the battle. So…I try to prepare myself. This morning, it was a simple question posed in my devotional… “Verse 2 (Psalm 21) reminds us that plans to thwart God will not succeed. How can this give you encouragement in your everyday life? Do you trust in the Lord’s plans?” I stared at this question for I don’t know how long. I knew what the answer “should” be but I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything. I know God’s plans cannot be thwarted. I know and rejoice in the fact that He cannot be stopped, He is steadfast and constant. That in and of itself is a huge comfort. But it’s a distant comfort. And then it hit me, I’ve been living in a state of distant comfort….again. I know He is true, He is mighty but I have not allowed it to be a daily encouragement in my life. My life has been a protective shell again. I don’t know when it went up but here I am again, learning to bring it back down. It’s so frustrating because so many times I don’t know what happened, when it happened, or even that something is wrong. I think that deep down in my core I’ve known it’s been up. But I haven’t allowed my mind and my soul to meet.
Even more frustrating is that I should know better. After all God has done and shown me, how can I not be encouraged daily? How can I not trust in the Lord’s plans for my life?
But yet again, I’m reminded that’s the whole point of this psalm. It’s a praise after the victory was won. It’s not only rejoicing, it’s remembering. I forget just how important remembering is. It is a landmark, a constant that cannot be argued or debated. We…I get so easily mixed up and confused amidst the torrent of emotions, it’s easy to lose sight of what is our good in the middle of the storm. Sometimes, the storm is so sneaky that we don’t know it’s upon us until we find ourselves drowning. Even then though we can remember. We can remember the good, all that has been done for us and through us and we can remember that He is trustworthy and good.
So, even though I’ve found myself drowning yet again I will choose to bring myself up. I will consciously look to my landmarks, to all that God has done and provided for. I will rest in that and rejoice. And I will say to myself, I will declare to God that yes… He is trustworthy, He is good and I trust Him with my life.
